i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
