How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
