OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
