Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Blood and glitter go together right?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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