glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
