I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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