Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
