You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just pee around me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize