Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
