me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
