I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
