At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
