In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
