I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
