Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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