I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
