He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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