you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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