He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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