Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
