I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
