I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
