just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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