i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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