And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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