I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
