Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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