I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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