Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
