Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
