peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
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But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.