Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
