U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
