so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
