Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize