I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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