I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
