if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
