i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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