I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
