whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
