The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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