mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
