Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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