i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
