epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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