I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
