Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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