It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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