So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
