I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
