so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
