What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
