You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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