Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
