when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
