i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
