fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
