Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
