i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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