I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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