Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
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You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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