The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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