I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
