it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
