Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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