How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
