If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
