one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
