Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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