we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
