My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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