i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
