at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
