Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Help. Why am I so naked?
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