Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
