I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
