I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
